Tales of catastophe, sex and squalor from the Alpine Underbelly...

Belle de Neige

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

I would like some sex please!

Human Beings. It's all very nice the way they say that we're able to move beyond our biology and all that... but I have decided I don't really believe we're built for, or in anyway adapted for monogamy. Our attention spans are way to short.

However. I have also come to the conclusion that being in an open relationship is basically all about denial.

Here's the angle: You're both young. He's into you but he needs to feel he can do whatever he wants without restrictions - all men do. And you (in theory) want your freedom too. You also don't want to lose him or be lied to. So you tell him he can shag other ladies as long as he's honest with you about it. And vice versa, naturally.

Winner. He's got free reign to be a big alpha male about town and you don't get treated like the idiot indoors.

I mentioned this theory to a friend recently, and apparently this attitude puts me into the category of 'woman who traps man subversively using freedom'.

Fuck me! You can't win with you people! Listen guys, we give you the freedom to do what you want, bend over backwards to understand and sympathize with the fact you're men and are slaves to your impulses and you can't help wanting to window shop and occasionally dip into the pick and mix... and you still think we're trying to trap you!

Well, and I speak to all men-kind on behalf of my sisters when I say this.....Fuck you!

Now I don't want to oust an uncomfortable truth here that we ladies were keeping to ourselves... but the unspoken fact is this girls:

Your man is most probably completely shit at chatting up birds (and you can probably vouch for this based on your own personal experience). He's also usually too drunk to approach women with any finesse (that's without dribbling on them or suggesting a threesome with their mother by accident) and was on a fucking lucky streak the day he pulled you anyway.

The baboons arse in the room here, is that in normal life, (before you took pity on him/acquired a taste for him), he hardly ever managed to get laid at all...

You on the other hand, being female, can get laid right now if you want. No, seriously. Just go into your local and stand at the bar with a sign that says 'I would like some sex please.' Not only will you get laid. There will be a massive queue around the block. I promise.

Imagine if a chap tried that same tactic. Not gonna happen is it?

...so what I'm saying is ladies.... you really needn't worry.

2 comments:

  1. Hilarious blog, have added a link to it on mine. Not believing that nonsense about hot instructors in Le Refuge though, you're fooling no-one.

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  2. ...It was a swift learning curve....I soon discovered there was not one single instructor in the whole resort who even mildly resembled being hot or was under 80 years of age and I am not in the business of riding octogenarians...

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